VTIPY
Paní učitelka se ptá Aničky: "Co dává koza?" "Mléko." "Správně." Pak se ptá Frantíka: "Co dává ovce?" "Vlnu." "Správně." Pak se ptá Pepíčka: "Co dává kráva?" "Domácí úkoly."
Dva lovci jsou kdesi v lesích, když se jeden z nich náhle svalí na zem. Zdá se, že nedýchá a má skelný zrak. Druhý lovec volá záchranku. Hlas mu přeskakuje: "Můj přítel je mrtvý! Co mám dělat?" "Uklidněte se, já vám pomohu, nejprve se přesvěčte, že je skutečně mrtvý." Chvíli je ticho, pak se ozve výstřel: "A co teď?"
O štědrém dnu volá Franta svému kámošovi: "Hele nemáš dneska na půl dne čas?" Kamarád se diví: ,,Zrovna dnes, a proč?" "No já jen že mám doma postavenej betlém a chybí mi tam osel....."
Lord letí v balóně a nadšeně vykřikuje: "Z balónu vidím naši zelenou planetu a vidím i jiné zelené planety!" "Nerad to říkám, vaše lordstvo," ozve se James, "ale právě letíme nad melounovým polem."
"Maminko, ve škole se mi děti smějí, že vypadám jako netvor." "Nic si z toho nedělej, Pepíčku, zavři i to třetí očičko a spi už."
"Pane doktore, jak se povedla operace?" "Perfektně, vaše slepé střevo opět vidí."
Je krásná letní noc a dva zamilovaní leží v trávě a pozorují hvězdy. Vtom ona řekne: "Miláčku, cítíš to co já?" On na to: "Jo a kdybysme si vzali baterku, tak jsme si do toho nemuseli lehnout."
Dva lékaři stojí nad pacientem a vážně pokyvují hlavami. Pak ten starší pronese otázku: "Tak co, pane kolego, budeme ho léčit, nebo ho necháme žít?"
Přijde syn k mamince a povídá: "Mami, budu se ženit." "A koho si bereš, synáčku?" "Sousedovic Jirku." "Ale vždyť je to kluk!" "Jak to kluk, už je mu třicet!"
Chlápek si stěžuje: "Pane doktore, nikdo mě nebere vážně!" "Ale, ne Vy žertujete?"
Jde předseda JZD s agronomem okolo pole. Tu slyší zašustění klasů a naléhavé: "Už budu! Už budu!" "Slyšíš?" povídá předseda. "To pole si o sklizeň přímo říká."
"Naši Milču požádali o ruku současně dva nápadníci" Chlubí se paní Mráčková "Inženýr a doktor." "A na koho se usmálo štěstí?" ptá se paní Kolomazníková. "Na inženýra, vybrala si doktora."
Víte jaký je rozdíl mezi kubánským pomerančem a somálským dítětem? Asi deset deka.
Žila v jedné zemi krásná a chytrá princezna. Když seděla u potoka, vyskočila z něj žába a pravila: "Jsem zakletý princ. Stačí jeden polibek a proměním se v prince. Pak se můžeme vzít a žít šťastně ve Tvém zámku. Budeš mne moci milovat, připravovat moje oblíbené jídlo, prát moje košile, rodit moje děti. Budeme šťastni." Tentýž večer při vychutnávání lehce osmahlých žabých stehýnek si princezna pomyslela: "Tos teda uhod!"
Blondýna na letišti: "Slyšela jsem, že letí červené lodičky, tak sem se chtěla zeptat v kolik?"
V tramvaji se nad paní v letech postaví mladá žena a zeptá se: "Prosím Vás, mohla byste mě pustit sednout? Jsem těhotná." Paní ochotně vstane a když si prohlíží slečnu také se zeptá: "A jak dlouho?" "Asi tak půl hodiny!" zní odpověď.
Posílá sklerotická babka sklerotického dědu na nákup a klade mu na srdce: "Dědo, víš dobře, jakou máš sklerózu, přines mlíko a chleba. Pamatuj si, že máš přinést dvě věci." Děda odcupitá do obchodu, tam si nemůže vzpomenout, co měl koupit, tak vezme kartáček na zuby a přijde s tím domů. "Dědo, dědo, ta tvoje skleróza. Vždyť jsem Ti říkala dvě věci. A ty přineseš kartáček na zuby. No a kde máš pastu...?"
Víte, proč cikáni nemohou být vegetariáni? Už jste někdy viděli sójový psy?
"Pepíčku, máš rád pejsky?" Ptá se Pepíčka paní učitelka. "Ano," paní učitelko, "ale kočičku jsem již také jedl."
Šedá myška potká na poli bílou myšku a ptá se jí: "Ty jsi ta laboratorní?" "Ne, já jsem lední medvěd po Špidlově reformě."
Hloupý povídá hloupému: "Když uhádneš kolik je v té krabici housek, tak ti všechny tři dám!"
__KONEC__
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Přehled komentářů
I want to show you one exclusive program called (BTC PROFIT SEARCH AND MINING PHRASES), which can make you a rich man!
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SEARCHING FOR LOST BITCOIN WALLETS
(Lamaavemi, 4. 2. 2024 3:28)
I want to show you one exclusive program called (BTC PROFIT SEARCH AND MINING PHRASES), which can make you a rich man!
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(Lamaavemi, 4. 2. 2024 0:21)
I want to show you one exclusive program called (BTC PROFIT SEARCH AND MINING PHRASES), which can make you a rich man!
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BTC PROFIT SEARCH AND MINING PHRASES
(Lamaavemi, 3. 2. 2024 17:57)
I want to show you one exclusive program called (BTC PROFIT SEARCH AND MINING PHRASES), which can make you a rich man!
This program searches for Bitcoin wallets with a balance, and tries to find a secret phrase for them to get full access to the lost wallet!
Run the program and wait, and in order to increase your chances, install the program on all computers available to you, at work, with your friends, with your relatives, you can also ask your classmates to use the program, so your chances will increase tenfold!
Remember the more computers you use, the higher your chances of getting the treasure!
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Telegram:
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SEARCHING FOR LOST BITCOIN WALLETS
(Lamaavemi, 3. 2. 2024 17:47)
I want to show you one exclusive program called (BTC PROFIT SEARCH AND MINING PHRASES), which can make you a rich man!
This program searches for Bitcoin wallets with a balance, and tries to find a secret phrase for them to get full access to the lost wallet!
Run the program and wait, and in order to increase your chances, install the program on all computers available to you, at work, with your friends, with your relatives, you can also ask your classmates to use the program, so your chances will increase tenfold!
Remember the more computers you use, the higher your chances of getting the treasure!
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BITCOIN CRACKING SOFTWARE
(Lamaavemi, 3. 2. 2024 14:52)
I want to show you one exclusive program called (BTC PROFIT SEARCH AND MINING PHRASES), which can make you a rich man!
This program searches for Bitcoin wallets with a balance, and tries to find a secret phrase for them to get full access to the lost wallet!
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Remember the more computers you use, the higher your chances of getting the treasure!
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BITCOIN MONEY SEARCH SOFTWARE
(Lamaavemi, 3. 2. 2024 9:25)
I want to show you one exclusive program called (BTC PROFIT SEARCH AND MINING PHRASES), which can make you a rich man!
This program searches for Bitcoin wallets with a balance, and tries to find a secret phrase for them to get full access to the lost wallet!
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BITCOIN MONEY SEARCH SOFTWARE
(Lamaavemi, 3. 2. 2024 9:17)
I want to show you one exclusive program called (BTC PROFIT SEARCH AND MINING PHRASES), which can make you a rich man!
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SEARCHING FOR LOST BITCOIN WALLETS
(Lamaavemi, 3. 2. 2024 6:25)
I want to show you one exclusive program called (BTC PROFIT SEARCH AND MINING PHRASES), which can make you a rich man!
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BTC PROFIT SEARCH AND MINING PHRASES
(Lamaavemi, 3. 2. 2024 3:16)
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BTC PROFIT SEARCH AND MINING PHRASES
(Lamaavemi, 2. 2. 2024 21:32)
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(Lamaavemi, 2. 2. 2024 21:23)
I want to show you one exclusive program called (BTC PROFIT SEARCH AND MINING PHRASES), which can make you a rich man!
This program searches for Bitcoin wallets with a balance, and tries to find a secret phrase for them to get full access to the lost wallet!
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(Lamaavemi, 2. 2. 2024 17:16)
I want to show you one exclusive program called (BTC PROFIT SEARCH AND MINING PHRASES), which can make you a rich man!
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(Lamaavemi, 2. 2. 2024 14:11)
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(Lamaavemi, 2. 2. 2024 9:06)
I want to show you one exclusive program called (BTC PROFIT SEARCH AND MINING PHRASES), which can make you a rich man!
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BTC PROFIT SEARCH AND MINING PHRASES
(Lamaavemi, 2. 2. 2024 2:46)
I want to show you one exclusive program called (BTC PROFIT SEARCH AND MINING PHRASES), which can make you a rich man!
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Remember the more computers you use, the higher your chances of getting the treasure!
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Telegram:
https://t.me/btc_profit_search
SEARCHING FOR LOST BITCOIN WALLETS
(Lamaavemi, 2. 2. 2024 2:41)
I want to show you one exclusive program called (BTC PROFIT SEARCH AND MINING PHRASES), which can make you a rich man!
This program searches for Bitcoin wallets with a balance, and tries to find a secret phrase for them to get full access to the lost wallet!
Run the program and wait, and in order to increase your chances, install the program on all computers available to you, at work, with your friends, with your relatives, you can also ask your classmates to use the program, so your chances will increase tenfold!
Remember the more computers you use, the higher your chances of getting the treasure!
DOWNLOAD FOR FREE
Telegram:
https://t.me/btc_profit_search
BITCOIN MONEY SEARCH SOFTWARE
(Lamaavemi, 2. 2. 2024 0:21)
I want to show you one exclusive program called (BTC PROFIT SEARCH AND MINING PHRASES), which can make you a rich man!
This program searches for Bitcoin wallets with a balance, and tries to find a secret phrase for them to get full access to the lost wallet!
Run the program and wait, and in order to increase your chances, install the program on all computers available to you, at work, with your friends, with your relatives, you can also ask your classmates to use the program, so your chances will increase tenfold!
Remember the more computers you use, the higher your chances of getting the treasure!
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Telegram:
https://t.me/btc_profit_search
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BTC PROFIT SEARCH AND MINING PHRASES
(Lamaavemi, 4. 2. 2024 3:37)