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Paní učitelka se ptá Aničky: "Co dává koza?" "Mléko." "Správně." Pak se ptá Frantíka: "Co dává ovce?" "Vlnu." "Správně." Pak se ptá Pepíčka: "Co dává kráva?" "Domácí úkoly."
Dva lovci jsou kdesi v lesích, když se jeden z nich náhle svalí na zem. Zdá se, že nedýchá a má skelný zrak. Druhý lovec volá záchranku. Hlas mu přeskakuje: "Můj přítel je mrtvý! Co mám dělat?" "Uklidněte se, já vám pomohu, nejprve se přesvěčte, že je skutečně mrtvý." Chvíli je ticho, pak se ozve výstřel: "A co teď?"
O štědrém dnu volá Franta svému kámošovi: "Hele nemáš dneska na půl dne čas?" Kamarád se diví: ,,Zrovna dnes, a proč?" "No já jen že mám doma postavenej betlém a chybí mi tam osel....."
Lord letí v balóně a nadšeně vykřikuje: "Z balónu vidím naši zelenou planetu a vidím i jiné zelené planety!" "Nerad to říkám, vaše lordstvo," ozve se James, "ale právě letíme nad melounovým polem."
"Maminko, ve škole se mi děti smějí, že vypadám jako netvor." "Nic si z toho nedělej, Pepíčku, zavři i to třetí očičko a spi už."
"Pane doktore, jak se povedla operace?" "Perfektně, vaše slepé střevo opět vidí."
Je krásná letní noc a dva zamilovaní leží v trávě a pozorují hvězdy. Vtom ona řekne: "Miláčku, cítíš to co já?" On na to: "Jo a kdybysme si vzali baterku, tak jsme si do toho nemuseli lehnout."
Dva lékaři stojí nad pacientem a vážně pokyvují hlavami. Pak ten starší pronese otázku: "Tak co, pane kolego, budeme ho léčit, nebo ho necháme žít?"
Přijde syn k mamince a povídá: "Mami, budu se ženit." "A koho si bereš, synáčku?" "Sousedovic Jirku." "Ale vždyť je to kluk!" "Jak to kluk, už je mu třicet!"
Chlápek si stěžuje: "Pane doktore, nikdo mě nebere vážně!" "Ale, ne Vy žertujete?"
Jde předseda JZD s agronomem okolo pole. Tu slyší zašustění klasů a naléhavé: "Už budu! Už budu!" "Slyšíš?" povídá předseda. "To pole si o sklizeň přímo říká."
"Naši Milču požádali o ruku současně dva nápadníci" Chlubí se paní Mráčková "Inženýr a doktor." "A na koho se usmálo štěstí?" ptá se paní Kolomazníková. "Na inženýra, vybrala si doktora."
Víte jaký je rozdíl mezi kubánským pomerančem a somálským dítětem? Asi deset deka.
Žila v jedné zemi krásná a chytrá princezna. Když seděla u potoka, vyskočila z něj žába a pravila: "Jsem zakletý princ. Stačí jeden polibek a proměním se v prince. Pak se můžeme vzít a žít šťastně ve Tvém zámku. Budeš mne moci milovat, připravovat moje oblíbené jídlo, prát moje košile, rodit moje děti. Budeme šťastni." Tentýž večer při vychutnávání lehce osmahlých žabých stehýnek si princezna pomyslela: "Tos teda uhod!"
Blondýna na letišti: "Slyšela jsem, že letí červené lodičky, tak sem se chtěla zeptat v kolik?"
V tramvaji se nad paní v letech postaví mladá žena a zeptá se: "Prosím Vás, mohla byste mě pustit sednout? Jsem těhotná." Paní ochotně vstane a když si prohlíží slečnu také se zeptá: "A jak dlouho?" "Asi tak půl hodiny!" zní odpověď.
Posílá sklerotická babka sklerotického dědu na nákup a klade mu na srdce: "Dědo, víš dobře, jakou máš sklerózu, přines mlíko a chleba. Pamatuj si, že máš přinést dvě věci." Děda odcupitá do obchodu, tam si nemůže vzpomenout, co měl koupit, tak vezme kartáček na zuby a přijde s tím domů. "Dědo, dědo, ta tvoje skleróza. Vždyť jsem Ti říkala dvě věci. A ty přineseš kartáček na zuby. No a kde máš pastu...?"
Víte, proč cikáni nemohou být vegetariáni? Už jste někdy viděli sójový psy?
"Pepíčku, máš rád pejsky?" Ptá se Pepíčka paní učitelka. "Ano," paní učitelko, "ale kočičku jsem již také jedl."
Šedá myška potká na poli bílou myšku a ptá se jí: "Ty jsi ta laboratorní?" "Ne, já jsem lední medvěd po Špidlově reformě."
Hloupý povídá hloupému: "Když uhádneš kolik je v té krabici housek, tak ti všechny tři dám!"
__KONEC__
Komentáře
Přehled komentářů
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(Lamaavemi, 15. 7. 2024 23:16)
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(Lamaavemi, 13. 7. 2024 15:03)
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(Arthurquata, 13. 7. 2024 5:22)
Mistakenly Identified as Deceased by TransUnion: An Increasing Concern
Inaccuracies in credit reporting can have very harmful effects. One of the scariest issues people may experience is having their credit bureaus, such as **TransUnion**, mistakenly report them as dead. This grave error can have a substantial negative impact on everything from employment opportunities to credit applications. It is imperative in such cases to know how to dispute a background check and to navigate the challenges of credit report disputes.
### Understanding the Problem
Envision finding out you are erroneously listed as deceased on your credit record. This is not an unusual issue, however. Individuals in this case must move swiftly to fix it. One crucial first step can be to contact a background check lawyer or a deceased on credit report lawyer. Professionals in background check errors, these specialists can offer the assistance you need to correct your credit report.
How to Contest a Background Check
Understanding how to dispute a background check becomes essential when dealing with such a serious mistake. Get in touch with the credit bureau that made the error first. You must prove your ID and show you are still not deceased. Utilizing marked as deceased on credit report lawyers can expedite this sometimes challenging process. These experts can guarantee your case is handled effectively and guide you through the intricacies of a background check dispute.
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Notably helpful is working with my credit report says I'm deceased lawyers. These lawyers focus in identifying and fixing significant mistakes on credit reports. They can advocate for you in dealings with credit bureaus and other pertinent parties to make sure your case is taken seriously and resolved promptly. Given their expertise in background check disputes, they are familiar with the legal avenues accessible to fix such errors and can provide effective counsel if necessary.
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Once the error is fixed, steps must be taken to avoid it from recurring. Regularly reviewing for errors in your credit report can help spot problems early on. Active credit monitoring and knowing how to dispute a background check can help guard against potential mistakes. Should inconsistencies surface, responding swiftly to **dispute a background check** can lessen the effect of these errors on your private and economic life.
In conclusion, it can be upsetting when TransUnion reports you as deceased. However, with the right strategy and support from knowledgeable specialists like a background check lawyer, persons can handle the process of challenging these errors and regaining their creditworthiness.
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(Lamaavemi, 11. 7. 2024 23:33)
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(Lamaavemi, 11. 7. 2024 12:48)
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(Lamaavemi, 11. 7. 2024 5:54)
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(Lamaavemi, 10. 7. 2024 4:20)
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BITCOIN CRACKING SOFTWARE
(Lamaavemi, 16. 7. 2024 12:20)